So you want a sponsorship.

Apply. Send us an email on how you plan to rep us. Let us know who you are, where you're from. Include social media links, pictures, videos, a short story, anything really.
I mean the worst thing that could happen is we say no. Well, actually we could say no and then call you names.
Email your information to [email protected] with the subject "sponsor me".

Writer's block? Try something like this:

What we can offer

Honestly? We're not promising anything. Every case is reviewed individually and it may take a while to get to yours. Don't take it personally. We try to respond to every email and request but so help us, if you start acting like a neglected ex and send us five emails a day we will block you. We will print out your submissions, shred them, and line small animal cages with them so they're put to use properly.